This is real
by Retawdedgenius
Summary: what happens when your family is so insane and calls eachother rednecks constantly. than you know my family.
1. Chapter 1

Just the other day everyone in our family went out to the beach and Clint was showing everyone how his 1 year old son Jack can be used as A Boogie board.

Clint: "WEEE YAHOO YEA JACKIE YOU'RE A GREAT BOOGIE BOARD!" * Just holding him between his legs and moving him around* everyone is snickering… "whats everyone laughing at?"

Laura: "It looks wrong!"

Clint: "what! How could this possibly look wrong Im just Moving him back and forth and riding him like a-Ohh. Right!

I see how that could seem wrong. YOU BUNCH OF PERVERTS!"

Laura: "we're not pervets, You're the one using your kid as a horse or another guy!

Later~~~~~

Clint: "Jeez Amanda you're so fat!"

Amanda: "….You're such a DICK!" Everyone starts Cheering.

Laura: "Honey you just said something we've all known for a long time!"


	2. Chapter 2

Amanda: "i'm a candycorn witch."  
Braxton: "Yea but your not a actual candy corn witch, wheres your candy corn. I am a actual pimp, I brought a hoe."  
Amanda: "yea but i'll pimp slap you."

Later~ Aunt Rosalie: "Hey Braxton can you open this beer for me?"  
Braxton: "Yea sure." Pulls out Iphone "heres the hidden app for this thing." He puts the tip of the Iphone under the cap and pops off the cap Unky Clint: "Sweet that's awesome. Is there a throw it at your girlfriends face app?"  
Braxton: "I haven't discovered that one yet."  
Everyone execept Amanda: "And it better not ever be discovered." 


	3. Chapter 3

Clint: "I just got this video camera the other day." *holds up video camera*

Uncle Kevin: "OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!I just happened to get a video camera also!!!!"

Clint: "LA GASP does yours have night vision?"

Kevin: "Yes in fact it does….Wanna go outside and play night vision tag?!"

Clint: "HELL YEA!!!!" *Jumps of couch and runs outside*

Kevin: "YES! I'll go first. 1 2 3…100! Ready or not here I come!?" *Starts running around the backyard looking through his video camera on night vision*

(AN: Mind you both of these men are in their 30s..^^')

Kevin started to look under bushes and in the trees. Then all the sudden Clint pulls out His Niece Melanie, and she starts to slowly walk up to Kevin..

Kevin: "Holy shit dude! In the night vision she looks like one of the kids from Children of the corn…You got to see this!"

Clint: "Oh my god. She does. Her eyes are like bright bright neon green, and when she walks she sways her arms looking all innocent and evil.

ITS HER SHES HERE AND I SENSE HER HELP HELP WOES ME SHE IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*Points finger at behind Kevin, Kevin turns slowly*

And there stood Clint's wife Jenny with a freaked out look on her face.


	4. Chapter 4

Alanna: "Nobody uses splenda like my mom she is the fucking queen of splenda. When we went to Yosemite I opened the center consul to grab something and in there was a fucking bag A FUCKING GALLON BAG filled to the top with little packets of splenda. I've always told her whenever I see her drinking tea, 'Hey mom, want some tea with your splenda??' BUT imagine this when she eats she uses more salt than she does splenda! She's like* shk shk shk shk shk* *shk shk shk shk shk* Maybe a little more *SHK SHK SHK SHK SHK SHKKKKKKKK* Aw we ran out of salt whatever. (Big huge ass pile of salt on her food)"

"She also thinks she is a good driver it's all like * shk errr crshhhh weeooweeooweoo BBOOMMMM* yea she's that bad. And she listens to old and new country so whenever you get into her car you feel like EWWWW…"


	5. Chapter 5

This really happened.

Unky clint: "yea what do you were for pajamas?"

Aunt Michelle: "wife beaters and boxers."

Cousin Christa: "yea and she doesn't wear a bra when she does wear that."

Unky Clint: "Ooh. You are a red neck. This is you. In your front yard wearing your wife beater in the rain. 'hmhm just doing some gardening hmhm!!'"

Someone email me it'd be great to have some fan art for this.

Christ is my aunt michelle's daughter.

My uncle clint is just fn hilarious.


End file.
